Hi,
Something on which i had to write..
This is for all my friends joining IT firms.
Who will be coming on bench soon..lol..
We identify two people..
me= varun mahendra
priyankar= my friend in delhi
we are interns.
one in bangalore
other in delhi...
and there are millions like us..
who come to the office..
log into gtalk/orkut/yahoo/msn
and talk endlessly on stupid topics.. only to pass the day..
sincerely at five..
we leave.
A small discussion tat we had once is here..
the victim : me
the sympathiser : priyankar
the MOLESTER : manipal police
presented below ..
is the unedited version ..
directly copy pasted from gtalk chat..
me: hmmm...
u know i had a police inqury fr passport in manipal.
priyankar85: y?
3:04 PM me: are for making a passport u have to go to the police station for verification
3:05 PM priyankar85: k
me: and the impression and respect tat i had for illad people rose to new heights!!!!
priyankar85: y?
me: had a very filmi experience..
complete story batau ya short me batau?
priyankar85: nhi i gt time
3:06 PM lotsa time
spk up
me: this police guy kept on callin me asking me to come to manipal police station..
i told him i will come on saturday..
he was like ok.. but do come..
this happened last tuesday
3:07 PM then this guy called me up again on wednesday!!
and two times again on thursday telling me to come on saturdady..
finally i reaches manipal on saturday..
i called tat guy..
and u know wat he said???
3:08 PM tat i dont go to the station on sat and sunday.. so u come on monday!!!!
so far clear?
priyankar85: yup
3:09 PM me: then i got majorly pised. sayin i have work on monday.. and i have come all the way from bangalore and stuff like ta..
priyankar85: k
me: then he told me to go to the police station and contact "girish"
i went and asked for girish
but there was no girish!!!!
3:10 PM so i called him again..
then he told me to fine "laxman"
priyankar85: k
me: now picturize the scene..
like in movies..
a hawaldar..
3:11 PM priyankar85: k
me: a lady cleaner[black ugly and disgusting]
priyankar85: k
me: and a room inside with computers and hi tech communication stuff..
priyankar85: k
me: and noone else!!!!
priyankar85: l
k
*
3:12 PM me: so i marched into the hi tech room and started shouting.. "laxman.. laxman"
insied the fukin police station
priyankar85: k
3:13 PM me: then one guy comes up in a baniyaan!!!!
baniyaan=vests
and asks me y do i want laxman..
i narated him the story..
3:14 PM then he told me to wait.. outside
time is 9.30
at 10.05 laxman comes in a cop hawaldar uniform[earlier he was in vests]
3:15 PM tells me to get bonafide certificate and proof of residence from college..
priyankar85: k
me: and attested marksheets of 10 and 12
so i go .. get the things.. adn come back at 10.30
he tells me to wait agian..
3:16 PM i wait..
and wait
and wait
and wait
finally at 11.30 he comes and says.. are u are here??
priyankar85: d "waits" are addin to d weight of ur dard
vaah vaaah original ek dum fresh!!!!!!
k
3:17 PM me: then. .tells me to come after lunch and tat he will keep everything ready
priyankar85: aage srry fr d interruption
k
me: so i go again at 2
priyankar85: tch tch tch
me: and this ma fucker..
tells me to come back at 3
3:18 PM i reach home mind fuckd!!!
priyankar85: shit
me: at 2.25...
i start getting MISSED CALLS on my phone..
like 10 of them..
priyankar85: k
me: i am like wwat the fuck>
and i call the number..
and guess who??
priyankar85: laxman
me: yr friendly neighbourhodd
laxman
3:19 PM he asks me to come within 2 min..
so i rush to the police station..
priyankar85: n?
me: and he says we need proof for yr date of birth
i tell him.. dude the bonafide certificate has my dob.
priyankar85: dd u shw him ur govt attested ass?
3:20 PM me: it ws attested by teh director.. pabla himself!!!
and u know wat he tells me?
tat yr college can give fake attestation on their bonafide certificate..
priyankar85: k
3:21 PM me: so here is the conversation.
laxman: we need proof for dob
me: bonafide certificate
laxman:
how does yr college know r dob?
me: they have it in their records
3:22 PM laxman: how do tey have it in their records? it may be false
me: [wat the fuck] wat do i do now?
laxman : your college might be haveing some thing from which they took yr dob
me: i dont know
3:23 PM laxman : get an attested copy of those documents!!!
can u belive the height of stupidity???
priyankar85: shit
bahut bura hua tere saath to
me: abe wait..
let me continue..
3:24 PM priyankar85: k
dere s mr
me: i went to college again..
ask if there is any such thing?
they were like no..
and even if tehre was we coudlnt give it to u:P
its in mahe main office
so i go back to the police station..
3:25 PM i tell him.. dude take my license photo copy.. take my pancard phot copy..!!!
but he disagrees:)
and u know wat he tells me?
go to legal point and get an affidavit made tat yr dob is 9/1/86
priyankar85: hahahahaha
3:26 PM me: time is 4.20..
i go to legal point..
priyankar85: aisa to kisi dushman ke saath bhi nhi hona chahiye
me: thankfully thye know english..
not much..
but enough..
so i make an affidavit..
3:27 PM i am varun mahendra. son of-- daughter of-- my dob is--. etc.
and do u know i am charged BLOODY 150 Rs. for the affidavit!!!!!
very pissed i come back to the police station..
priyankar85: shit
3:28 PM me: time is 5
priyankar85: k
me: i give him teh affidavit..
he tells me to wait as the officer in charge is sleepin:P
i asked gim where??
he takes me to a room...
and can u imagine?
there is an ac room..
with a huge bed!!!!
3:29 PM and a daru ki bottle..
priyankar85: shit
WOOOW
me: with a big fat illad bastartd sleepin in his underwar!!!!
priyankar85: hahahahaha
me: disgusted..
i tell hiim to give me a misd call when the sab wakes up...
3:30 PM i leave..
i reach t c..
and i get 4 or 5 missed calls!!!
i rush back to the station..
and bingo..
the saab is still sleeping!!!
priyankar85: k
me: and u know wat laxman says??
3:31 PM priyankar85: wat??
me: the name on the passport is "varun mahendra" and on your documents it is "mahendra varun umesh"
priyankar85: shit
me: we need proof tat both are the same person!!!!!!!
priyankar85: HAHAHAHAHAhA
3:32 PM shit maan
me: i am like shit!!!!
priyankar85: dis s freakin hilarious
me: i tell him..
see..
the father is mr.umesh mahendra
mother is mrs. kumud mahendra
on every fuckin document!!!!!
priyankar85: u shud write a short story abt dis and publish it in class X literature book
me: wat is yr problem???
u know wat he says..
3:33 PM no we cant accept this proof..
i ask him wat is the solution..
please take some money.. and finsih the matter..
i am willing to offer 500 bucks!!!!
and u know wat he says??
passport is a serious thing!!
we both will get hanged!!!
priyankar85: WOOOOW
3:34 PM me: so i tell him.. wats the solution..
he says..
make an
affidavit!!!!!!
priyankar85: hahahaha
me: i am like? if i make the affidavit.. will u complete the procedure??
3:35 PM time is 6.20
he is like.. then we can go to saab with the documents..
so i go again to legal point..
and there is no one there!!!
at around 7
s guy comes up
a*
3:36 PM he is very educated..
looked like a big shot lawyer!!!
and he sympathises with me..:)
and instead of making a new affidavit.. changes the original offidavit!!! and thankfully doesnt charge me.. saying praises of police!!!
3:37 PM i am in tears with gratitude...
with my hopes soaring..
i rush to the police station..
and bingo..
saab is not there:P
priyankar85: k
me: i am asked to come on sunday
i said no way.!!
3:38 PM and tell him to call me when saab comes..
after sometime..
almost around 8
saab comes..
i go back again..
now..
a few words describing the saab are in order..
ahem
3:39 PM a big fat illad..
with big moustaches!!
badly shaven
half bald
big red fiery eyes.
almost twice the size of an owl!!
priyankar85: k
3:40 PM me: and eyebrows like kroor sing!!!
priyankar85: u shud write a novel
me: and...
SHIT DRUNK!!!
priyankar85: k
me: smelling of booze from 15 mtrs
priyankar85: ohkk
me: and voice like a mother fucker loudspeaker..
as soon as he comes in he shouts at the guard.. at such a high volume tat i almost pee in my pants..
3:41 PM laxman collects all my documents..
and takes me in his chamber..
and tells him the name controversy..
u know wat the mother fucker does??
HE SIMPLY THROWS AWAY MY AFFIDAVIT!!!!
SAYING..
3:42 PM IT IS AMBIGIOUS!!!!
AND NOT ACCEPTABLE
priyankar85: wtf
me: asks me to go to court and get a "change of name" certificate!!!!
priyankar85: holy shits
me: by now i am mad!!!!
3:43 PM i call my dad and ask him wat to do..
he calls my uncle..who is a lawyer.
and voila.. i am not changing my name.. so i cant get a certificate:P
i explain it to the police officer..
3:44 PM i show him the marksheet..
it is specifically written
last name : mahendra
first name: varun
fathers name :umesh
and show him the passport..
on it also it is written
first name: varun
3:45 PM last name : mahendra
priyankar85: GT IT
me: but...
na
no effect on the drunkard..
He starts shouting on me!!!!
dont teach me my job!!!
i am not siginin it unles it is unambigious!!!!!
and he sends me out..
he calls laxman..
3:46 PM and shoutts it so loud tat is beyond human capacity!!!!
like 20 lions roaring together!!!!
laxman comes out..
haath jod ke mujhe bolta hai..
saab..
i took yr case..
it was my mistake..
3:47 PM it is of some other officr..
so contact him..
namaste..
and leaves
i go back to the saab
and ask him wat to do?
he is persistent on the change of name thing..
oh time is 9.45!!!
then i get pissed and tell him!!!
3:48 PM he asks me to come the next day..
i tell him to fuck off..
and i wont be coming agian..
and he can send whatever report he has to send and cancel the passport if he wants to!!!
3:49 PM and i leave...
time 10.15...
the end...
priyankar85: THE END?
wat abt d passport
dd u gt ny daru?
laxman ka kya hua?
3:50 PM part-2 nhi hai?
me: still i gather the balls...
go agaoin on sunday..
the scene..
the ugly dark illad lady sweeping..
the hawaldar standing and laughin..
no one else..
no laxman
no saab.
priyankar85: laughn at u?
3:51 PM me: no just watchin some illad movie on the tv and laughin
priyankar85: k
me: i called laxman..
he simply kept on cutting my calls
i called the original guy..
no reply..
i asked teh havaldaar..
he didnt knew hindi or english!!!
3:52 PM i think he was pretendin!!!! madharchod
priyankar85: tru tru
me: so i went ..
and went again twice on sunday..but same results..
3:53 PM back to bangalore...
no paassport..
no inquiry
dont even know wat the fuck will happen..
the end of part two..
priyankar85: passprt k karna kya hai tujhe
?
ka*
me: was plannin to go to singapore, bangkok pataya malaysia in june...
3:54 PM priyankar85: fr wat?
abey to bangalore se kara le
me: lasst vacation before job starts..
priyankar85: k dts tru
me: do u know the rule?
priyankar85: nope
y?
3:55 PM me: once u hve applied for a passport..
unles it is made or officially cancelled..
u cant apply again:P
priyankar85: k
me: so basically i cant do anything..
priyankar85: so u hav applied fr it
it hasnt bn made
y ddnt u gt t dun frm an agent
me: nor has it been cancelled..
priyankar85: it wud hav bn so so so simpler
3:56 PM me: it ws through an agent..
back home..
priyankar85: den?
me: but i havent been stayin at home since lst four years. right?
priyankar85: yup
me: so they need a proof of where was i in the last four years..
priyankar85: k
3:57 PM me: so the office there.. requests the manipal police station to check
the manipal police staion only has to check if i was in manipal..
which is validated by the chief wardens letter ...
still mother fuckrs tat they are..
3:58 PM thy fuck it!!!
now its status is pending!!! niot cancelled...
priyankar85: chill maar
me: do u want to hear part 3??
time.. 2.30..
priyankar85: sure go ahead
me: day wednesday..
3:59 PM i get a call from manipal police station..
original guy..
u know wat he tells me?
priyankar85: wt?
me: kya saab aap aye hi nahi saturday ko:P
priyankar85: hahahahhaaa
me: can u believe it!!!
priyankar85: shit ppl yaar
4:00 PM me: i tell him tat i had come. and girish
then laxman story..
he remembers..
and tells me tat there is ambiguity in my name..
oh i missed a funny part...
u know the 2nd affidavit statement?
priyankar85: nop
4:01 PM me: i, varun mahendra, take an oath that varun mahendra and mahendra varun umesh is one and the same person that is myself.!!!
priyankar85: hahahahahahaa
me: can u believe wat shit they make u do..
4:02 PM priyankar85: seriosuly
chal bhai
me: the call..
priyankar85: was rlly dardnaak hearing dt
me: he says..
priyankar85: cud feel d pain
4:03 PM me: u made the affidavit..
but we dont know if its from u..
so make an affidavit..
and stick yr photo on it..
priyankar85: holy krokamoly batman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
me: get it attested and come back again:)
4:04 PM i tell him.. dude. i am not making any such thing..
u do watever u have to do..
5 min later..
he calls back again..
telling me to come again ..
i tell him i cant leave me work and come..
4:05 PM he says i will have to come..
its a fuckin police order!!!!
i tell him i will come after two weeks!!!
he says..
no u have to come on..
guess..
SATURDAY!!!
4:07 PM he realises..
tat he has called..
he cuts the phone..
and starts giving missed calls!!!
4:08 PM i call him..
and tell him tat i am not coming..
he finally says..
come
and we will get the affidavit made..
and free u..
4:09 PM and give me a call a day before u re coming..
and our sad story ends here..
4:10 PM priyankar85: k
4:11 PM me: and we wait endlessly till further progress
priyankar85: k
4:14 PM me: u know we spent one hour:)
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